The Sunday Before Thanksgiving

For those of you who are avid Ironman fans or athletes you already know what the Sunday before Thanksgiving is. It is Ironman Arizona and for me it has always been a really special day. My first Ironman was IMAZ but it was the very last one they did in April before moving it to November. It was an incredibly hot day in the high 90’s which, for this east coast kid at the time, was pretty damn hot. It was also 2 days before our wedding. It really was and remains one of my fondest memories.

Fast Forward a few years and we now live in AZ. A dream come true for both of us. This is obviously where IMAZ becomes more significant. I spent years watching via this new thing called social media a girl named Mary. She had this glowing smile and seemed so truly happy to be racing. I saw her at IMAZ twice and went up and introduced myself. At the time I remember feeling like an idiot because I kind of just received a curt hello and a smile. In the years that followed I would find out all the reasons why she was so curt. As time moved along and Mary and I became actual friends I would joke that my plan was all falling into place. All the years of stalking her on the internet had finally paid off. Her response was usually that I should have tried harder and mine would be that she should have been less bitchy to me, and we would simultaneously bust out into laughter that could be heard from miles away.

I have utter heart break and pure joy out on this course. I was unable to race in 2014 because I was having seizures and my medication had my resting HR in the high 90’s. I watched as Mary ran her way into a Kona spot after years of trying because she had reached a breaking point in her life and raced like she didn’t even care if she blew up. I have had the chance to meet up with friends who flew into town for only a few hours from TX and CA and cheer out on the bike course. I had my comeback IM on this course in 2017 after years of being unwell. Mary meeting me at the finish line with SO many friends from the PD. THAT day was mind blowing.

The Sunday before Thanksgiving has had so many tears from physical pain, tears from joy and smiles so big my face hurt for hours after. The Sunday before Thanksgiving for the last 13 years of my life has been tied to IMAZ and Mary. So, what the hell am I supposed to do on the 1st Sunday before Thanksgiving without her? Whatever I do it will be far away from IMAZ Course and Tempe, AZ. I cannot imagine being out there. I honestly have no desire to see people cheering and happy. I have no desire to run into people who knew her who will be carrying on like it is just any other Ironman Day. I have no desire to cry the 2 hours home from Tempe wishing I had been there to cheer on my bff.

I still have anger towards a lot of people. Anger that they are carrying on and living life YOLO or doing #epic (I HATE this term) shit while posting narcissistic selfies. I hate that I get friend requests from people who never once even thought to include me in their memorial events or even send a message saying they were sorry to hear she is gone. I dislike that when I am out there on that course, I will remember not only all the great things that happened but all the struggles. The ones nobody knew about because at the end of the day “friend” is just an F word and sometimes very hollow, empty, and meaningless.

Then during a mini burst of rage, I stop and am reminded of something Rachel said as we shared a small bed in CA mid-morning trying to avoid people the week after Mary was taken away. To the world Mary died. To us our world died. Then I calm down and remind myself that I should probably be focusing a bit less on what others are feeling and doing and more on myself and those real friends of mine who all feel the same way even if it looks different.

9 months later and we, I am about to start a long stretch of firsts. A painful stretch of firsts that will include holidays and her birthday. Maybe that is why I am so upset over this upcoming Sunday. Emotions are already high and IMAZ just happens to be the worst ever pre party.

I will be fine. I always am. We will be fine. We must be. If you see someone randomly crying, be kind. If you see someone closed up and closed off, be kind. If you see someone acting out of sorts, be kind. You really have no idea what someone else is going through. And before you mention it let me say that I am fully aware that I am not practicing what I am preaching by blasting others for moving on with their lives. It is a process and as time goes by, I am sure I will be kinder to those around me. But first… I need to take care of myself.

So on the Sunday before Thanksgiving 2021 I will be out taking photo’s and riding my bike and trying to forget that IMAZ is even happening. Self-preservation.

So I will leave you with a few gems from past Sunday before Thanksgiving’s.